I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
