why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize