I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
