there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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