Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize