I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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