Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
