ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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