i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
