dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
