I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The uberlube is also flammable
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
