its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize