Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
