If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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