when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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