My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
