I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
