At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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