Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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