I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
