Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
