Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
