clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I need to align my fucking chakras
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
