i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
