shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
