i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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