My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
