Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
