Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
