You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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