do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
