bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
