You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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