We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You have to summon your inner elephant
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
