Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
