you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
