I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
sex in a hospital.. check
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
