Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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