How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
