explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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