Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
