I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
