I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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