At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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