so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
