Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize