Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
