i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
