Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
