It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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