therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
