Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
