Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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