I'm going to jail i love you
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
