The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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