well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
