I wish my penis had an off switch
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
we should paint friendship bongs
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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