Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
