too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
