My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
