I hate your face
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize