Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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