she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
